As I think of the last 28 years of my life, as a
“religious woman.” Who I was when I entered the community? Who I have become? What
have I left behind? What have I gained?
Whom have I touched? Who have touched my life along the way? I ask
myself, what does “silver Jubilee means, for those whom I have loved, and from
those who have loved me: my family,
friends, my hometown, my country of origin, my religious community, my adopted country?
I cannot avoid going back to the origin of the meaning of the word, to the
Mission of Jesus, in the passage Luke, 4, 18; and Leviticus 25, where God
promises us that God will come and live with us (Lev, 26,11). At the end of the
line of the mission proclamation, Jesus said, that he came to proclaim the year
of the Lord. The year of awareness: divine intimacy; conscious commitment; and
total letting go or our precious possession of who I have thought I was. A call to embrace who I has always been
called.
I asked myself, how many times have I felt my heart on
fire, as I walk on dusty roads? (Luke 24). I can answer myself, perhaps more
than 70 times!
It is a new beginning, not an ending. Jubilee sounds covenant, love, commitment to
the fullness, change, transformation, divine justice, solidarity, inclusive
love, and most of all, finding oneself in Gods path, where one could see
herself through that Divine light, and as part of that Divine light. The
memories of the home parish, and the jubilee year, are related to justice,
peace, solidarity (with the poor; with those in pain; with those we owe).
Jubilee means forgiveness of debts…debts to oneself, and debts to one another.
As I begun a discernment of life, with my spiritual
director, last year, I found myself having a profound dream. My dream was about
driving my car, which is symbol of my life, my only possession, which does not
even belong to me. It is a sign of the journey. I was driving on reverse. While
driving on the high way, backward, and had a thought that perhaps, it was not a
good idea. I decided to stop under a
comfortable spot, under a strong and beautiful tree. A lady and a young girl run out of the house,
to great me. I was pleased. I felt safe. I realized at that particular moment
in my dream that I did not need to review my last 28 years of religious life,
but rather, to accept that I arrived home. It felt that way. I, the grown up
woman and the girl embraced me and told me, “Welcome home.” At that moment, I realized that both women
(the older and the younger) were both me, and that it is up to me to choose to
be a more integrated person, because I embrace who I am today.
I realized that, being where I am at this point of the
journey has been a trip of self-encounter; spiritual journey; and a profound
sense of identity and inner freedom.
Thank you for your prayers and support!
Rosa Reyes, OP
